The Banality of Evil, a Present

I

I like to try. I like to try at least one time

to achieve the near impossible. I like to struggle

I like to make life difficult for myself. I like to think

It makes me a better person. I like pessimism. I like pain

I like all kinds of perversion. I like controversy. I like games

I like the kind of game that metes out punishment to its players

I like hardship. I like loss. I like tearing up lottery tickets. I like

counting the human cost. I even like the holocaust in a way. I like chaos.

II

I like cats. I like boats. I like rain and long wet kisses that last

three days. I like singing, and travel. I like meeting interesting people

in uninteresting bars. I like to drink moonshine, straight out of the bottle.

I like music. I like infectious laughter. I like cooking and looking for seafood

I like buildings with character. I like dressing up in strange clothes for fun.

I like to make love with the lights on. I like to swim naked in the unforgiving

ocean. I like to dance only on special occasions. I don’t like speaking in person.

III

I can handle being misunderstood. I can handle the painkillers. I can handle

people - including myself. I can handle the villagers. I can handle the dispiriting

sky; the embittered hillside. I can handle the tragi-comedy of the coast. I can handle

suicide. I can deal with the duality of the heart. I can deal with daylight. I can deal with

the day today. I can obliterate midnight. I can manage the dawn’s estate from a foreign site

and make it go away again. It is the present moment that I hate. Always this: the present moment.